Planet of the Dead

Really, for a Doctor Who special with a name like "Planet of the Dead" I was expecting something a little more creepy. Instead, what I got was an hour long eight by eleven glossy of David Tennant. Not really a bad thing by itself, but here's a few things I've come to expect from Doctor Who that did not happen in the latest episode:

Cliffhanger- When removed from a serial format, I suppose it isn't really fair to the audience to put The Doctor or anyone else in mortal danger for a whole three months. Nevertheless, since we know that within the first ten seconds of the next episode all forms of peril will be temporarily obliterated, why not? It sure beats sending his companion off in a flying- oop! Almost gave away the end there, didn't I?

Scary line repeated until it is no longer scary, and continuing until it is scary again- This obviously goes hand in hand with the aforementioned cliffhanger, but can stand on it's own as well. The only requirement is that the line is never interrupted until the trademark howl of the opening or closing credits. Here are some examples:
"Hey, who turned out the lights?"
"Are you my mummy?"
"This is your final destination"
and of course "Exterminate!"
Let it be known that in "Planet of the Dead", the most repeated line is "I love you".

The freakin' TARDIS- well, duh. Once again, a flying ******* is no replacement for anything. Certainly not a time traveling police box.

Don't get me wrong, I love The Doctor just as much as that crazy scientist guy, but there is something wrong when The Doctor starts acting like a pop star. Maybe when Stephen Moffat takes over as head writer we'll lose a little bit of the soapy atmosphere that has been haunting the set. In the meantime, here is a list of what they did right this time around:
Aliens that are obviously dudes in jumpsuits with rubber claws and bug masks.
Sonic screwdriver antics.
British through and through.
Smooches for The Doctor, wait no, no! He's 900 years old, ladies! Would you kiss Yoda? Seriously, the cradle robbing has got to stop.

Well, if you've made it this far in the post, I salute you. You must truly have great sympathy for the nuances of mantaining a glorious tradition in modern times. That's probably why you aren't asking this question right now: "Who cares?"

But if you are asking that question, then I'll tell you: Nobody. Nobody but me. That is why it is my goal, my burning passion, to write episodes of Doctor Who, episodes that make you care. So far I'm off to a rocky start, but as I come up with ideas I will post them here for the enjoyment of all. Thanks for tuning in.

-Seth Rasmussen