More Dreams!

Part II of demonstrating that miraculous gift, that of dream interpretation! I know you're all excited, and proud of me for starting a thread and actually following up on it later, so here goes:

Faceless Entities

Oftentimes, the Dreamer will experience a situation in which many of the people they are interacting with do not have any details on their faces. Reports of this occurrence range from faces with indistinct or metamorphic features to instances where the face is entirely featureless. One hypothesis is that if one such faceless entity plays a large role in a dream, you are actually interacting with your guardian angel. Another hypothesis postulates a dreamer may simply not be able to remember the faces of the dream, as with many of the details which are forgotten upon waking. A recent study has shown the frequency of this type of dream may be increased if the test subject has been exposed, directly prior to sleep, to a dozen or so episodes of COPS.

The key thing to remember is that anybody without a face should not be trusted. For whatever reason they are attempting to conceal their identity, the probability of their good nature is outweighed by the possibility of malicious intent. Even if one such character approaches you claiming to be a representative of a research team in charge of finding out how many people are willing to trust someone without a face and they are offering you money to participate in the study, be on your guard. This person is a stranger to you, and as such should not be allowed any access to your personal information until you get to know them better i.e. until they show you their face. If, however, they are smokin’ hot, all bets are off.

Grand Canyon

These are not good dreams. I don’t care if you had a blast dreaming of whitewater rafting or of an illicit rendezvous with John Denver, if the Grand Canyon appears to you in a dream it can only mean that you are about to lose a loved one. My advice: If you don’t know what the Grand Canyon looks like, that’s going to make it harder to dream about. It is speculated that through the power of hypnotic suggestion one might be able to avoid the subject of the Grand Canyon altogether by forgetting that there even is such a thing. Studies, however, have been inconclusive on account of the test subjects all being called away at the crucial time to deal with the death of a friend, or a pet if they don’t have any friends. Studies were halted after just ten of these occurrences, the lab ultimately issuing a two sentence report: Do not fool with the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon does not like to fool around.


See? Interpreting dreams is easy! You just pick an image, experience, or metaphor, and then make stuff up about it! It's exactly like writing a research paper!

Dream Journals, the importance of

Few people know this, but I am psychically gifted with the ability to interpret dreams. I call it a gift because dreams are a potent storehouse of subliminal content, and it can be hard enough to remember them upon waking up to reality, let alone know what they mean. Nevertheless, dream interpretation comes down to sound logic in the end. Let me give you an example:

If you dream about Michael Caine, this means you have impeccable taste.

Easy, right? I know it is difficult to predict what dreams you might be having, but in future posts I intend to use my own dreams as fodder for casting a wide net over the dream-realm, and the inhabitants thereof. Let's not get confused here, though, this gift of interpretation is the opposite of divine influence. Do not take my advice as good advice. Dream interpretation is meant for entertainment purposes only.

So lets get right in to the good stuff. I know I'm not the only one who has had a full blown nude dream. Experts will tell you that this sort of dream represents insecurity about something in your life. I beg to differ.

In my dream, I was running through the African savanna, naked as a jay-bird. Some other stuff happened. I can't really remember. It is important to note, however, that I have never been to Africa, and only know what the savanna looks like from nature specials. In those specials, everything is naked, the lions, the elephants, the crocodiles.

Depending on the circumstances, nude dreams can mean you need to lay off the Planet Earth reruns for a while.

Additionally, is there anything more free than being completely naked? Even zoning out and listening to the soothing narration of David Attenborough (who'd have the Sigourney Weaver version?), can't compare to the breathless joy that comes from letting your stuff flap in the breeze. Insecurity? I think not. There's more to every dream than meets the inner eye.